Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
