I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
