i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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