So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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