I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
