Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
