Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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