After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
