What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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