Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
