You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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