She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
