Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
