used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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