Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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