i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
