He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
