he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
