I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
