Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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