I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
