scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
