no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
