Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
