So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
