She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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