I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
