Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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