Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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