there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
