I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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