Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
