He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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