And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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