I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
