you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
