The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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