Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
