Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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