Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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