So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
dude. I can hear the air.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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