marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
