My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
