remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
