Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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