are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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