A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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