Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
