i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
