Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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