Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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