Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
