be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
